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alexnifty
12-12-08, 15:49
No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisism yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule our flying reindeer, which only Santa has ever seen.


There are 2 billion children ( persons under 18 ) in the world. But since Sanata doesn't (appear to) handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - or 378 million according to the Population Referance Bureau. At an average (cencus) rate of 3.5 children per household, that is 91.8 millions homes. One presumes there's at least one "good" child in each.


Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels East to West (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each one of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around thwe earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but for the purpose of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75 and a half million miles, NOT counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding etc. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3000 times the speed of sound. For purpose of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.



The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each shild gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego Set (2 lbs), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On landing, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 330 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point 1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine reindeer. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload, not even counting the weight of the sleigh, to 353,430 tons! Again for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth!



353,430 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as space craft re-entering the earths atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of enery ... per second ... EACH! In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and creating deafening Sonic Booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vapourized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subject to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrosly slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.



In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve ...



He's dead now :)

tystar
12-12-08, 15:53
AWWWWWW i'm upset now and my brain hurts tooo :cry::cry::cry::cry:

Monkey
12-12-08, 16:06
Thats awsome!

alexnifty
12-12-08, 16:27
If Santa answered his letters...

Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben good boy all yeer.

YeR FReND,BiLLy

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawncare specialist. How 'bout I send you a ****ing book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!

Santa


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Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
You're parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa


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Dear Santa,

I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I really really want a fire truck this year!

Love, Joey

Dear Joey,

Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.

Santa


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Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.

Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,

What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the baby-sitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you some nice Legos instead.

Santa


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Dear Santa,

I need more Pokemon cards please! All my friends have more Pokemon cards than me. Please see what you can do.

Love, Michelle

Dear Michelle,

It blows my ****ing mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy hundreds of dollars worth of these stupid cards, and none of you snot-nosed brats are even learning to play the game. Let me get you something more your speed like Chutes and Ladders.

-Santa


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Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joe's, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love, Francis

Dear Francis,

Who the hell names their kid "Francis" anyways?

Santa


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Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor.

Love, Susan

Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the ****s and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You want to be a kiss-***? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and some Toblerone.

Santa


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Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?

Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,

All the toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most my time squeezing ****tail waitresses' asses, and losing all my cash at the craps table.Hey, YOU wanted to know!

Santa


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Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?

Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,

You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping yourhouse...

Santa


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Dear Santa,

I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?

Timmy

Timmy,

That whiny begging crap may work with your folks, but that **** doesn't fly up here. You're getting a sweater....again.

Santa


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Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?

Love, Marky

Mark,

Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're getting your *** whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.

SweetDreams!

Santa

Aaron
13-12-08, 01:23
That first post is great.. Its done the rounds a few times over the last coupla years, but its still brilliant, and always makes me laugh!

Good job :D

Barley
20-12-08, 20:52
That first post is great.. Its done the rounds a few times over the last coupla years, but its still brilliant, and always makes me laugh!

Good job :D

OMG you still around here Aaron? I popped over to see if my account still existed, and it does! Not been here for a year and a half!

Aaron
21-12-08, 01:20
Blimey mate.. not had a conversation with you for at least.. oh i dunno - 10mins? :lol:

Biodoid
21-12-08, 20:04
ok own up..who let Barley back in :lol: