RAF
03-05-06, 18:13
Teacher: \"Good morning children, each Thursday we're going to have a general
knowledge quiz. The pupil who gets the answer right can have Friday and
Monday off and not come back to school until Tuesday.\"
Wee Eric (a typical Scottish wag) thinks, \"Ya dancer. Ah'm pure dead
brilliant at ma general knowledge stuff an' that. This is gonnae be a
dawdle, come ahead ya radge, a lang weekend fir me.'
Teacher: \"Right class, who can tell me who said 'Don't ask what your country
can do for you, but what you can do for your country?'
Wee Eric shoots up his hand, waving furiously in the air.
Teacher looking round picks Jeremy at the front, \"Yes, Jeremy.\"
Jeremy (in a very English accent): \"Yes miss, the answer is J F Kennedy -
his inauguration speech in 1960.\"
Teacher: \"Very good Jeremy. You may stay off Friday and Monday and we will
see you back in class on Tuesday.\"
The next Thursday comes around, and Wee Eric is even more determined.
Teacher: \"Who said 'We will fight them on the beaches, we will fight them in
the air, we will fight them at sea. But we will never surrender?'\"
Wee Eric's hand shoots up, arm stiff as a board, shouting \"I know, I know.
Me Miss, me Miss.\"
Teacher looking round and picks Timothy, sitting at the front: \"Yes
Timothy.\"
Timothy (in a very, very posh, English accent): \"Yes miss, the answer is
Winston Churchill, his 1941 Battle of Britain speech.\"
Teacher: \"Very good Timothy, you may stay off Friday and Monday and come
back to class on Tuesday.\"
The following Thursday comes around and Wee Eric is hyper, he's been
studying encyclopaedias all week and he's ready for anything that comes.
He's coiled in his wee chair, slavers dripping in anticipation.
Teacher: \"Who said 'One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind'?\"
Wee Eric's arm shoots straight in the air, he's standing on his seat,
jumping up and down screaming \"Miss, me miss, meeeeee!\"
Teacher looking round the class picks Rupert, sitting at the front: \"Yes
Rupert.\"
Rupert (in a frightfully, frightfully, ever so plummy English accent): \"Yes
miss. That was Neil Armstrong. 1969. The first moon landing.\"
Teacher: \"Very good Rupert. You may stay off Friday and Monday and come back
into class on Tuesday.\"
Wee Eric loses the plot altogether, tips his desk and throws his wee chair
at the wall. He starts screaming: \"Fur f*cks sake, WHERE did all these
English B*STARDS come from?\"
Teacher, looking round the class: \"Who said that?\"
Wee Eric grabs his coat and bag and heads for the door, \"Sir William
Wallace, Battle of Falkirk, July 1298. See yous on Tuesday.\"
knowledge quiz. The pupil who gets the answer right can have Friday and
Monday off and not come back to school until Tuesday.\"
Wee Eric (a typical Scottish wag) thinks, \"Ya dancer. Ah'm pure dead
brilliant at ma general knowledge stuff an' that. This is gonnae be a
dawdle, come ahead ya radge, a lang weekend fir me.'
Teacher: \"Right class, who can tell me who said 'Don't ask what your country
can do for you, but what you can do for your country?'
Wee Eric shoots up his hand, waving furiously in the air.
Teacher looking round picks Jeremy at the front, \"Yes, Jeremy.\"
Jeremy (in a very English accent): \"Yes miss, the answer is J F Kennedy -
his inauguration speech in 1960.\"
Teacher: \"Very good Jeremy. You may stay off Friday and Monday and we will
see you back in class on Tuesday.\"
The next Thursday comes around, and Wee Eric is even more determined.
Teacher: \"Who said 'We will fight them on the beaches, we will fight them in
the air, we will fight them at sea. But we will never surrender?'\"
Wee Eric's hand shoots up, arm stiff as a board, shouting \"I know, I know.
Me Miss, me Miss.\"
Teacher looking round and picks Timothy, sitting at the front: \"Yes
Timothy.\"
Timothy (in a very, very posh, English accent): \"Yes miss, the answer is
Winston Churchill, his 1941 Battle of Britain speech.\"
Teacher: \"Very good Timothy, you may stay off Friday and Monday and come
back to class on Tuesday.\"
The following Thursday comes around and Wee Eric is hyper, he's been
studying encyclopaedias all week and he's ready for anything that comes.
He's coiled in his wee chair, slavers dripping in anticipation.
Teacher: \"Who said 'One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind'?\"
Wee Eric's arm shoots straight in the air, he's standing on his seat,
jumping up and down screaming \"Miss, me miss, meeeeee!\"
Teacher looking round the class picks Rupert, sitting at the front: \"Yes
Rupert.\"
Rupert (in a frightfully, frightfully, ever so plummy English accent): \"Yes
miss. That was Neil Armstrong. 1969. The first moon landing.\"
Teacher: \"Very good Rupert. You may stay off Friday and Monday and come back
into class on Tuesday.\"
Wee Eric loses the plot altogether, tips his desk and throws his wee chair
at the wall. He starts screaming: \"Fur f*cks sake, WHERE did all these
English B*STARDS come from?\"
Teacher, looking round the class: \"Who said that?\"
Wee Eric grabs his coat and bag and heads for the door, \"Sir William
Wallace, Battle of Falkirk, July 1298. See yous on Tuesday.\"