Funlester
17-09-07, 14:56
What has a head and a foot but no arms?
A bed!
The turtle took two chocolates to Texas, to teach Thomas to tie his shoes. How many \"Ts\" in that?
There are 2 \"Ts\" in \"THAT!
What kind of keys do kids like to carry?
Coo-kies!
Why do Teddy Bear biscuits wear long trousers?
Because they've got crummy legs!
Why don't traffic lights ever go swimming?
Because they take too long changing!
Why did the robber take a bath before he stole from the bank?
He wanted a clean getaway!
What has 5 eyes, is blind, goes for miles, yet bumps into nothing?
The Mississippi River!
Whats the hardest part about sky diving?
The Ground!
What gets wet the more you dry?
A towel!
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
Every morning you'll rise and shine!
How many books can you put in an empty backpack?
One! After that its not empty!
What washes up on very small beaches?
Microwaves!
Why do candle trimmers work so few days a week?
They only work on wick-ends!
What's the difference between a TV and a newspaper?
Ever tried swatting a fly with a TV?
What breaks when you say it?
Silence!
If Phil & Lil were a fruit, what kind would they be?
A pear (pair)!
Why can't you starve in a desert?
Because of all the \"sand which is\" there!
What gets bigger and bigger as you take more away from it?
A hole!
If a man falls into an outhouse hole, how long will he be in there?
It depends on how many moons he sees!
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move?
The road!
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but the lightbulb has to really want to change!
What bow can't be tied?
A rainbow!
What time do you go to the dentist?
Tooth-Hurty!
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?
The scientists were brainstorming!
What did the dentist say to his computer?
You have a severe Megabyte!
Why did Mickey Mouse get shot?
Because Donald Ducked!
What do you get when you throw Daffy Duck into the ocean?
Saltwater Daffy!
Why did Jon go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date!
What goes all around a pasture but never moves?
A fence!
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs!
How do you say chocolate in French?
Chocolate in French!
Why did the lion spit out the clown?
Because he tasted funny!
What did the little mountain say to the big mountain?
Hi Cliff!
What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?
Doyouthinkysarus!
What did the robot say when his battery went dead?
AC Come, AC Go!
What did Pooh say to his agent?
Show me the honey!
What's the last thing you take off before going to sleep?
Your feet off the floor!
What rock group has four men that don't sing?
Mount Rushmore!
What should you do when you're dying?
Go into the living room & eat life savers!
What has four legs but doesn't move?
A table!
What is H204?
Drinking!
Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?
His son...he was a little Bigger!
Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
Because he was sitting on the deck!
Why did Robin Hood steal from the rich?
Because the poor didn't have any money!
How do you make antifreeze?
Hide her nightgown!
What did one candle say to the other candle?
Lets go out tonight!
What do you call a city with 2,000 eggs?
New Yolk City!
What is the best day to go to the beach?
Sunday, of course!
Why did the man throw his pants out the window?
He heard the newspaper boy yell
A bed!
The turtle took two chocolates to Texas, to teach Thomas to tie his shoes. How many \"Ts\" in that?
There are 2 \"Ts\" in \"THAT!
What kind of keys do kids like to carry?
Coo-kies!
Why do Teddy Bear biscuits wear long trousers?
Because they've got crummy legs!
Why don't traffic lights ever go swimming?
Because they take too long changing!
Why did the robber take a bath before he stole from the bank?
He wanted a clean getaway!
What has 5 eyes, is blind, goes for miles, yet bumps into nothing?
The Mississippi River!
Whats the hardest part about sky diving?
The Ground!
What gets wet the more you dry?
A towel!
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
Every morning you'll rise and shine!
How many books can you put in an empty backpack?
One! After that its not empty!
What washes up on very small beaches?
Microwaves!
Why do candle trimmers work so few days a week?
They only work on wick-ends!
What's the difference between a TV and a newspaper?
Ever tried swatting a fly with a TV?
What breaks when you say it?
Silence!
If Phil & Lil were a fruit, what kind would they be?
A pear (pair)!
Why can't you starve in a desert?
Because of all the \"sand which is\" there!
What gets bigger and bigger as you take more away from it?
A hole!
If a man falls into an outhouse hole, how long will he be in there?
It depends on how many moons he sees!
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move?
The road!
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but the lightbulb has to really want to change!
What bow can't be tied?
A rainbow!
What time do you go to the dentist?
Tooth-Hurty!
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?
The scientists were brainstorming!
What did the dentist say to his computer?
You have a severe Megabyte!
Why did Mickey Mouse get shot?
Because Donald Ducked!
What do you get when you throw Daffy Duck into the ocean?
Saltwater Daffy!
Why did Jon go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date!
What goes all around a pasture but never moves?
A fence!
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs!
How do you say chocolate in French?
Chocolate in French!
Why did the lion spit out the clown?
Because he tasted funny!
What did the little mountain say to the big mountain?
Hi Cliff!
What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?
Doyouthinkysarus!
What did the robot say when his battery went dead?
AC Come, AC Go!
What did Pooh say to his agent?
Show me the honey!
What's the last thing you take off before going to sleep?
Your feet off the floor!
What rock group has four men that don't sing?
Mount Rushmore!
What should you do when you're dying?
Go into the living room & eat life savers!
What has four legs but doesn't move?
A table!
What is H204?
Drinking!
Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?
His son...he was a little Bigger!
Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
Because he was sitting on the deck!
Why did Robin Hood steal from the rich?
Because the poor didn't have any money!
How do you make antifreeze?
Hide her nightgown!
What did one candle say to the other candle?
Lets go out tonight!
What do you call a city with 2,000 eggs?
New Yolk City!
What is the best day to go to the beach?
Sunday, of course!
Why did the man throw his pants out the window?
He heard the newspaper boy yell