stoney
28-02-07, 13:13
Englishman Frenchman and the Pope
On a tour of Normandy, the Pope took a couple of days off his itinerary to visit the North coast on an impromptu sightseeing trip. His 4X4 Pope mobile was driving along the golden sands when there was an enormous commotion heard just off the headland.
They rushed to see what it was and upon approaching the scene the Pope noticed just outside the surf, a hapless man wearing a French football jersey, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a twenty foot shark.
At that moment a speedboat containing three men wearing English football tops roared into view from around the point. Spontaneously, one of the men took aim and fired a harpoon into the shark's ribs, immobilizing it instantly. The other two reached out and pulled the Frenchman from the water and then, using long clubs, beat the shark to death. They bundled the bleeding, semi conscious man into the speed boat along with the dead shark and then prepared for a hasty retreat, when they heard frantic shouting from the shore.
It was of course the Pope, and he summoned them to the beach.
Upon them reaching the shore the Pope went into raptures about the rescue and said, \"I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I had heard that there were some racist xenophobic people trying to divide France and England, but, now I have seen with my own eyes this is not true. I can see that your society is a truly enlightened example of racial harmony and could serve as a model on which other nations could follow.\" He blessed them all and drove off in a cloud of dust.
As he departed, the harpooner asked the others, \"Who was that???!\"
\"That,\" one answered, \"was his Holiness the Pope. He is in direct contact with God and has access to all God's wisdom.\"
\"Well,\" the harpooner replied, \"he knows **** all about shark hunting.
How's that bait holding up or do we need to get another one?\"
HAVING MUM OVER FOR DINNER
Brian Hester invited his mother over for dinner.
During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but
keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie was.
Mrs. Hester had long been suspicious of a relationship between
Brian and Stephanie, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two react, Mrs.
Hester started to wonder if there was more between Brian and
Stephanie
than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts,
Brian volunteered, \"I know what you must be thinking, but I assure
you
Stephanie and I are just roommates.\"
About a week later, Stephanie came to Brian saying, \"Ever since
your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful
silver
gravy ladle.
You don't suppose she took it, do you?\" Brian said, \"Well, I doubt
it,
but I'll send her a e-mail just to be sure.\"
So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you \"did\" take the gravy ladle from the house,
I'm
not saying that you \"did not\" take the gravy ladle.
But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were
here
for dinner.
Love Brian
Several days later,
Brian received a letter from his mother that read:
Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you \"do\" sleep with Stephanie, and I'm not
saying>
that you \"do not\" sleep with Stephanie.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she
would
have found the gravy ladle by now.
Love Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY... NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER!
On a tour of Normandy, the Pope took a couple of days off his itinerary to visit the North coast on an impromptu sightseeing trip. His 4X4 Pope mobile was driving along the golden sands when there was an enormous commotion heard just off the headland.
They rushed to see what it was and upon approaching the scene the Pope noticed just outside the surf, a hapless man wearing a French football jersey, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a twenty foot shark.
At that moment a speedboat containing three men wearing English football tops roared into view from around the point. Spontaneously, one of the men took aim and fired a harpoon into the shark's ribs, immobilizing it instantly. The other two reached out and pulled the Frenchman from the water and then, using long clubs, beat the shark to death. They bundled the bleeding, semi conscious man into the speed boat along with the dead shark and then prepared for a hasty retreat, when they heard frantic shouting from the shore.
It was of course the Pope, and he summoned them to the beach.
Upon them reaching the shore the Pope went into raptures about the rescue and said, \"I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I had heard that there were some racist xenophobic people trying to divide France and England, but, now I have seen with my own eyes this is not true. I can see that your society is a truly enlightened example of racial harmony and could serve as a model on which other nations could follow.\" He blessed them all and drove off in a cloud of dust.
As he departed, the harpooner asked the others, \"Who was that???!\"
\"That,\" one answered, \"was his Holiness the Pope. He is in direct contact with God and has access to all God's wisdom.\"
\"Well,\" the harpooner replied, \"he knows **** all about shark hunting.
How's that bait holding up or do we need to get another one?\"
HAVING MUM OVER FOR DINNER
Brian Hester invited his mother over for dinner.
During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but
keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie was.
Mrs. Hester had long been suspicious of a relationship between
Brian and Stephanie, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two react, Mrs.
Hester started to wonder if there was more between Brian and
Stephanie
than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts,
Brian volunteered, \"I know what you must be thinking, but I assure
you
Stephanie and I are just roommates.\"
About a week later, Stephanie came to Brian saying, \"Ever since
your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful
silver
gravy ladle.
You don't suppose she took it, do you?\" Brian said, \"Well, I doubt
it,
but I'll send her a e-mail just to be sure.\"
So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you \"did\" take the gravy ladle from the house,
I'm
not saying that you \"did not\" take the gravy ladle.
But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were
here
for dinner.
Love Brian
Several days later,
Brian received a letter from his mother that read:
Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you \"do\" sleep with Stephanie, and I'm not
saying>
that you \"do not\" sleep with Stephanie.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she
would
have found the gravy ladle by now.
Love Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY... NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER!